I have been having a lot of thinking. (Dupuis deux ans)
I feel like writing and thinking in English on this (Parce que je me rend compt que c'est plus difficile a ecrire mais agreable pour mon coeur que en Japonais, mon langue)
I've spent so many years doing research. Initially driven by passion and a good cause, motivated and excited by the progress and development of new scientific discoveries, I hoped to contribute to the field and establish my niche.
I realized that the field was vast. Few cares what you do unless it makes money. After all, money is the biggest motivation for a majority of people.
Then, I started working for money....and then, voila, my passion and enthusiasm are gone.
I wrote research proposals for money. I killed animals for money. But the money doesn't come easily.
I have no regrets about leaving academia, and what will become of academic research in the future is no longer my concern.
I simply feel that I have done with my piece of life and feel empty.
The emptiness has always been there, though. I have been filling it with different kinds of things that I thought are important but not really that important.
I am trying to keep the emptiness unfilled. but not sure I'll be successful on that...
